In the name of Allah, the most merciful the most beneficent. All praise and adoration belong to Allah subhanahu wa ta’la, we praise Him, and we adore Him. We beseech His Blessings and Prayers on the noblest of Mankind, Prophet Muhammad.

A Muslim is one who does nothing out of his desire in a matter that has been decided by Allah and His Messenger.

Such is the matter of Marriage.

Marriage is an institution that is the bedrock of the society through which the procreation ingenuity of Allah is sustained, even though Allah (SWT) may decide to continue the procreation in a way that suits His Majesty, and no one would question that.

A hale and hearty, sane and mature Muslim cannot decide not to marry, taking such a decision without a valid shari’ah reason would make one not to be a follower of the Prophet according to the narration of Ibn Ahmad 2243

It was narrated from Aishah that:

the Messenger of Allah said: “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me.

In today’s world of rampant immorality and sexuality, how he (matured, sound, and capable) without a wife or husband keeps and maintains chastity when Allah said in the Quran which interpretation of the meaning goes thus:

“… and besides these, it is lawful for you to marry other women if you pay them their dowry, maintain chastity, and do not commit indecency. So those (women) whom you marry for an appointed time, you must give them their agreed-upon dowries. There is no harm if you reach an understanding among yourselves about the dowry, Allah (SWT) is All-Knowing and All-Wise.” (4:24)

How will such a fellow who decides not to marry for no valid shari’ah reason keep the commandment of Allah as expressed in Surah An Nisa 4:24

“Marry the single people from among you and the righteous slaves and slave-girls. If you are poor, Allah (SwT) will make you rich through His favour; and Allah (SWT) is Bountiful, All-Knowing.” (24:32).

One of the most effective ways of lowering one’s gaze and guarding one’s chastity is through marriage. The best of mankind said this thousands of years ago when he said

 “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065) and Muslim (1400).

The religion of Islam is interested in the means as well as the end. The art of having a spouse or disengaging from a spouse has its processes.

A Muslim who has come of age, who cannot but wet-dream, who can support a woman, marriage for such a person is Wajib (compulsory). On the other hand, marriage is Haram (forbidden) for a man who though has come of age, can support a woman but cannot have sexual relations with the woman. In between these two are those who can delay marriage maybe for one or two valid shari’ah reasons, those who dislike to be married e.g. those who are stingy or beat women occasionally.

In Islam, spouse search and selection are not treated with kid’s gloves. Scholars of the time past and present lay emphasis on Kafa’ah (suitability and compatibility) to be considered because it can make or mar a home. In as much as there is no one room fits all for compatibility, there have been a series of research by scholars, and some key factors are to be looked into, the ultimate which cannot be compromised is religion – Islam. Some of the things to be considered are

• Health (e.g. blood group, genotype, etc)
• Education (literate, School Cert, First Degree, Second Degree, etc)
• Finance (Employed, Self-Employed, Skilled, Heir, Heiress, etc.)
• Social affiliates (Exposed, Versed, Learned, etc)
• Lineage (Free Born, Slaves, Prince, Princess, Race, etc)

In the matter of understanding religion, education, finances, and lineage it is not bad if the woman has the upper hand, it will only mean the man has to be more tolerant and understanding but better if they are at par and best if the man has the upper hand.

This is in accordance with the verse of the Qur’an Surah an-Nisa verse 34 which the interpretation of the meaning goes thus:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Q4:34

Having made the choice, part of the process is to follow up one’s choice with Istikhara (seeking Allah’s guidance)

The Sunnah of the Prophet, as well as the content of the supplication, shows that Istikhara is best done having made a choice, not before and not when one is sandwiched between two choices. 

Of the processes of marriage is Khitbah (courting) which entails expression of interest to one another and families, getting to know each other, interacting in a halal manner, and sharing goals, aspirations, and expectations. Courting in Islam does not involve sexual relationships of any kind, physical or online (as what is obtainable today) nor does it involve sharing of pictures of what should not be seen by someone who is non-mahram (marriageable).

There is no hard and fast rule as to how long should courtship be tarry provided there is a valid Islamic reason for its delay.

The Contract of Marriage is initiated with ijab wa qabul (offer and acceptance). Either of the parties can offer but it preserves the honor of a woman for the man to offer even though the woman is in love already. The man offers and the woman accepts.

The contract of marriage having been initiated with ijab wa qabul is contracted by aqdun i.e. tying of the knot whilst exchange of mahr (dowry) from the man to the woman and stamped by the pronouncement of the waliy (male guidance) of the woman preferably the father.

The marriage cycle is not completed without its consummation.  Marriages are consummated after the Nikah (the wedding banquet) by the man entering the woman.

May Allah subhanahu wa ta’la bless you, shower His blessings upon you, and join you together in goodness. Aamiyn

To be continued bi idhnillaah!